


Forgive Me

by sarurin



Series: OiYama Week 2016 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Apologies, Established Relationship, Insecurities, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6577402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarurin/pseuds/sarurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he felt like Tsukishima owned a spot in Tadashi’s heart that he would never be able to reach. They shared a bond that he couldn’t compete against.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgive Me

A few days had already gone by. He hadn’t talked to Tadashi since then and that was part of the problem.

His mind was rushing with a million things and he couldn’t forget about it. His anger hadn’t dissolved either, preventing him from calling him and apologizing. He wanted to, but every time he remembered what had happened, his frustration would resurface. As a result, in order to keep his mind occupied, he buried himself with practice more than usual.

Night had already fallen, but he was still there. He kept tossing the ball in the air, one by one, and hitting them across the court with everything he had, hoping he would let it go eventually. Tooru was already getting tired, but if he went home, he would panic on his own. He hated that feeling more than anything after all.

Tadashi had sent him dozens of messages and voicemails, trying to explain his reasons. He felt guilty, but he wasn’t willing to listen and was even tempted to delete them right after. He was stubborn that way and it was starting to build up his anxiety. He waited and his boyfriend eventually gave up trying to contact him. His phone went dead silent and naturally, that only made him feel worse.

Seriously, he hated being that way, but he couldn’t help it.

“What are you doing?!” Hajime stood by the doorway, his face slowly scrunching into the scowl he was quite familiar with. He stopped for a minute, but he didn’t really care what he had to say either. Instead, he went over and picked up another ball that was rolling in front of his feet. He could hear his childhood friend sighing with annoyance at his behavior. It didn’t take him long to approach him.

“Is this still about what happened before? Honestly, when are you going to stop being so stubborn and apologize to him already?! You know perfectly well that he didn’t do anything wrong!” He was angry, but not as much as he could be. Hajime walked over to him and demanded an explanation. However, he didn’t know that if he spoke, he would blow out everything he had bottled inside.

“That wasn’t a reason to get into a fight over!”

“Apologize? You make it sound so easy and even if I wanted to, I can’t!”

Tooru lost his composure in an instant, dropping the ball on the floor and turning to his friend that was desperately trying to talk some sense into him. He probably felt sorry for him, seeing him so hurt that way when it was a situation that could have been avoided. “He lied to me and ditched me! I can’t believe you’re actually taking his side? I’m your best friend, why do you do that?!”

“Why? Because I was there when it happened! He was being completely honest with you and you still call him a liar? He never ditched you either! He told you what happened! In fact, he came all the way here to explain it to you and you turned him away, letting your pissy attitude get the best of you! You completely ignored him!”

Tooru didn’t like to admit that he might have overreacted, but he couldn’t erase what he had done and that was part of the reason why he couldn’t apologize. He had said some very mean things to his boyfriend, his words reflecting his distrust and insecurities.

“Did you ever consider how Yamaguchi might feel?! He looked like he was ready to cry when you told him to leave, when you threatened to break up with him? Are you out of your mind?”

“I would never break up with him! I said that out of anger!”

“But you still said it anyways!”

“I didn’t mean it, though! I would never!”

“Yeah, but does he know that?!”

He calmed down a little, clenching his fists and feeling absolutely terrible. Tadashi had really come all the way to explain, the best thing he could have done was listen to him. Instead, he pushed him away without a second thought. He had messed up and bad.

The court was filled with silence as they stared at each other. Hajime crossed his hands impatiently, but it seemed he was done lecturing him for the most part. He knew pretty well that he was terrible with relationships and he really seemed to like Tadashi.

They got along well. In fact, everyone in the team was fond him, but Hajime especially. He loved to embarrass him in front of Tadashi, talking about their times as children and his obsessive interests. The others always followed along with their own stories, telling him about the many jokes and pranks they were always playing on him. Tadashi would laugh in response and despite everything, he found it absolutely adorable.

Sadly, he wished he could say the same thing about Tadashi’s teammates. They didn’t really get along at all even though Tadashi insisted them too. It wasn’t that he couldn’t but more like he didn’t even try.

Then, there was Tsukishima Kei.

His very name gave him a headache.

“I just...like him so much that I don’t know what to do sometimes. You know, I’ve never really been in proper relationship with anyone before. He’s the first one and I want to make things work out, but how can I when I can’t even trust him? He’s possibly the sweetest person I have ever met and yet, I made him cry. I don’t deserve him.”

He saw Hajime roll his eyes, but he placed his hand over his back anyways, trying to encourage him. “You can’t say that and Yamaguchi isn’t going to leave you for that either. He came all the way here to explain. He cares about you.”

“Oh? Then, why does he always prefer to hang out with him over me? Why is that other guy so important when he has me already? Am I not enough? We’re dating, so shouldn’t I be his priority over everything else? I don’t understand.” He pouted and again, his words brought an annoyed expression from Hajime. He had probably heard the same complains from him since the start of his relationship with Karasuno’s pinch server.

“Why does he always choose him? Why is he always talking about him? Why does he brag about him so much? It bothers me. It annoys me and I hate it because I want that kind of attention from him too.”

“How selfish can you be? You’re seriously an idiot.” He didn’t know where Hajime found the strength to put up him, but he was thankful for it. “That kid absolutely loves you. Hell, he fucking adores you. How can you not see it?”

Tooru thought about it and quietly nodded, realizing his mistakes once again.

He had snapped and he hadn’t been thinking clearly.

After all, he wanted to spend the weekend with him, but Tadashi had refused his suggestion, saying that he had something else he needed to do. Tooru didn’t insist since he didn’t want to overwhelm him if he was already going to be busy. He told him it was fine and that they could always hang out some other day.

However, he accidentally bumped into Tadashi on Sunday and he was walking out of their favorite burger shop, but he wasn’t alone. He was with him; Tsukishima Kei. They were carrying a few bags like if they had been shopping. He was smiling, probably laughing at whatever snarky comment the blond middle blocker had to say. Then, he saw him and his entire face seemed to brighten up.

Tooru wasn’t as happy as he was to see him. He walked right past him without saying a single word. His reaction surprised Tadashi, but he didn’t know how to deal with the sudden rage of frustration. He called him out, but Tooru didn’t even turn around.

He had ditched him to be with Tsukishima Kei and to make matters worse, he didn’t even bother telling him.

Later that day, Tooru decided to call him, but it didn’t make the situation better. Instead, they ended up fighting and he could still remember their awful conversation.

 

_“You prefer to hang out with him than me? Is that it? Because that’s what it sounds like? If you’re so busy with Tsukishima, then don’t waste your time with me.”_

_“I’ve told you that it isn’t like that and if you just let me explain, then you would understand. I know I should have told you, but really we weren’t doing anything wrong. Why is it so hard to believe me? Can’t you even trust me even a little? Tsukki has been my best friend for years!”_

_“I can’t stand it and it isn’t that I don’t trust you or believe you. It just bothers me, okay!”_

 

He hung up right after, feeling completely torn and rejected. However, that wasn’t even the worst of it. Tadashi, probably determined to clear things up, came over to his school and tried to explain things personally. He told him that they were just going to do some shopping together, looking for some new shoes since their old ones were completely worn out. He told him that Tsukishima had little patience with those sorts of things, so he was going to help him out. They had already planned it a few days back, but he hadn’t mentioned anything to him because he didn’t find it necessary to do so.

Hajime was there with him at the time, so he saw the way he flatly ignored his reasons and walked on. The freckled boy was persistent and tried to hold him back by his uniform sleeve. Still, he didn’t know that his anger, his jealousy was bubbling within.

He knew better, but what was he suppose to think?

Tsukishima was important to Tadashi and he didn’t bother to hide it. He talked about him constantly to prove it. He knew about their childhood and how he had saved him from bullies many years ago. He knew about his admiration and their closeness to one another. They shared a bond that he couldn’t compete against. He felt like Tsukishima owned a spot in Tadashi’s heart that he would never be able to reach.

Even so, his admiration toward the blond came for many other things too, an endless list. His ramblings went on and on. If he didn’t stop him at some point, he would probably go on forever, chattering away about his so called best friend. Tooru tried to show interest, but such instances made him uncomfortable and nervous.

It was always the same and there was only so much he could take. There were times when he felt like he couldn’t even have a decent conversation without Tsukishima being mentioned at some point. Tadashi, of course, never noticed his change in mood and even if he did, he never figured out the reason behind it. He was too pure and a literal bundle of radiating sunshine, so even if Tooru did get mad then, it wouldn’t last long. He would forget about it eventually.

Unfortunately, the situation took a turn for the worst on that particular day.

“Still, I can’t apologize.” Tooru continued, shaking his head which made Hajime absolutely furious. “He’s not going to forgive me, Iwa-chan! I was really mean to him and what am I even going to say? I can’t just go up to him and say ‘Sorry for being a jerk, please take me back’. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Okay, fine. Leave things the way they are, but don’t come crying and complaining to me when he starts dating someone else.”

Those words irritated him more than anything else. He lifted his head, eyes widening at the realization. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“Everything you say is seriously contradicting and annoying. If you don’t want to lose him, then go and make up with him already.” Hajime started to help him clean up, picking up the volleyballs that were scattered all over the gym. He just stared at him for the longest time, unsure why he was so persistent.

“You’re always the happiest when you’re around him. I’ve noticed that your smile and laugh are actually sincere when you’re with him.” He told him, as if reading his mind. “Then, you’ve been hopelessly sighing and complaining to me about your problems and it’s starting to get on my last nerves. If don’t apologize, I will personally drag you over there.”

 

* * *

 

He knew exactly where to wait for him since he had done so a couple of times before. It was Thursday, so usually, he went to get some extra lessons from Shimada Makoto. Tooru didn’t know much about him, but he had gotten to see his float serve up close when he waited around long enough. He would invite him in and he would watch him play for few minutes until Tadashi was finished. His skills, possibly because of experience, were superior, but his float serve was the most impressive of all. He could see why Tadashi was so eager and intrigued to learn it.

Still, because of circumstances, he couldn’t get himself to step in. He stayed outside by the entrance of the small store that still had it’s open sign up. He peeked inside and sure enough, the boy he was looking for was right inside. He quickly hid behind the wall, deciding what would be the best way to approach him.

Apparently, though, he wasn’t given enough time to think. The doors slid open and Tadashi stepped outside into the chilly air before turning back around to say goodbye to Shimada.

Tooru would have gone unnoticed if he hadn’t accidently yelped at the sight of his boyfriend. He would never get used to his cuteness.

“Oikawa-san?” There was surprise in his voice and even though it was dark, he could almost see his face going a bit pale. They hadn’t seen or talked to each other days, so he wondered if that was the reason for his unexpected reaction. “What...what are you doing here?”

Then again, maybe he didn’t think he would actually come and apologize. What if he actually thought they had broken up? What if he had given up on him already? The thought sent his heart racing and he hoped Hajime had been wrong. He approached him, moving toward the light and standing right in front of him. Tooru didn’t say anything and extended his hand. Sadly, the freckled boy didn’t respond to his gesture and looked at him reluctantly instead.

He just wanted to hold his hand, but he didn’t seem to get it. Tooru decided to go on with the next plan. He cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks heat up a little. “I can carry your stuff. It looks pretty heavy?”

“I can carry it myself, don’t bother.”

Tadashi was angry, but he had every right to be. He watched him walk right past him in the same way he had done a couple of days ago. It hurt and he regretted it so much. Tooru followed him, picking up his pace until he stood right before him once again. He wasn’t going to let him go.

“What are you doing?” He questioned him, trying to get through him by any means necessary. He glared at him with menacing eyes, but he was also slightly shaking. He definitely didn’t want to scare him. That wasn’t his intention at all. He just needed to apologize no matter what. “Weren’t you the one that said to leave you alone? To not waste my time with you?”

“I know I said that. I’m well aware of it, but I didn’t really mean it. I said it out of anger, out of frustration. I wasn’t thinking clearly. That’s why I came here to ask for your forgiveness.” He sounded desperate, but honestly he didn’t mind it. Tadashi was worth the trouble.

“Seriously, I’m really sorry, Yama-chan! I didn’t mean to hurt you that way, much less make you cry. I was angry about many things, but it wasn’t your fault. I’m the one to blame here.”

“You didn’t try to listen to me or understand. I wanted to explain things to you, but you didn’t even give me a chance. So, I don’t know why you expect me to hear you out when I was flatly ignored.” His voice was steady, but he looked like he was ready to cry in any second. He wasn’t much different either even though he was better keeping his composure.

“I thought you wanted to break up with me. Isn’t that what you said? If that’s what you want, then I’m not going to insist either. I have better things to worry about anyways.”

His words weren’t convincing enough and that’s why he got the courage to stop him from walking away. He held his wrist firmly, but even then, Tadashi didn’t try squirm away. He stood completely motionless, looking into his eyes that were already starting to swell.

“I don’t believe that and I know you like me just as much as I do. We can’t let it end like this, Yama-chan. I don’t want to.”

“But, you can’t even trust me...”

“Listen, Tadashi, I know I was a jerk to you before and I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for it!” He slightly lowered his head, apologizing and hoping for the best. Tadashi took a step back, but his expression had softened a bit.

“I was jealous, angry that you’d rather be with Tsukishima than me! I thought you were hiding things from me, making excuses, so you could hang around with him instead. I should have known better and you’re completely right. There isn’t anything for you to explain. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you were completely honest with me and I still refused to listen.”

He was pouring his soul out and he wasn’t rejected any further. Tadashi held both his hands, intertwining their fingers together as he listened to him attentively. In a matter of seconds, his uneasiness left him and the heavy pressure he lived with was lifted off his chest. He felt like he could actually breath once more.

“My selfish attitude was probably what pushed you to that situation. That’s probably the reason why you didn’t bother to tell me because you knew I wouldn’t like it.” Tooru leaned his head over his chest, thanking Hajime from inside his mind for shaking some sense into him. He probably would have lost Tadashi if he hadn’t done something. He didn’t really know why, but the thought scared him to no end. “I’m sorry, Yama-chan. So very sorry.”

“I’m...sorry too for not realizing it sooner.” Tadashi whispered, letting his voice fade away with the wind. He was embracing him tightly by the point and Tooru gladly responded right back, taking the smaller male in his arms. “I didn’t want to break up with you either and tried to do everything that I could to prevent that from happening.”

They stayed that way for the longest time, hugging and kissing each other until they run out of air. Tooru didn’t want to let him go and that’s when he first considered that maybe he was actually in love with Tadashi. He smiled at the realization, caressing his face as the briefly part from one another.

He really needed to make amends if he wanted things to work out. He couldn’t remain that way. He needed to accept the many friendships his boyfriend had in his life in the same way he had done for him. “I guess I should explain things to Tsukishima, too. He probably thinks I’m not good enough for you now especially after the way I treated you. I messed up.”

“It would be better, yeah. He was the one comforting me when I came home crying, a complete mess. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry.”

Tooru gulped. He was suddenly scared for his life.

“The whole team kind of figured it out too. I was feeling pretty upset and I didn’t really feel like doing much. There was so much going on and I eventually told them what happened. Strangely, the captain said he wanted to invite your team over for a friendly match. I’m still not sure what Sawamura meant by that especially since there was a really scary look in his eyes. Tanaka and Nishinoya seemed pretty eager about it, too.”

He knew the match would have been far from friendly. If Tsukishima didn’t kill him, then they probably would for sure.

Tooru nervously laughed, scratching the back of his head. He not only needed to apologize and promise to Tsukishima that he would never make Tadashi cry again, but he needed to say it to the whole team as well. It was nice to know that everyone cared for him, but the thought of it made him unnecessarily anxious. It was probably worse than meeting his parents.

Tooru hoped he wouldn’t regret his decision later.

“You know, maybe I’ll drop by sometime and formally introduce myself as your boyfriend.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!


End file.
